Wife Home Alone Shouldn't Let Friends In

One day a home wife is along and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence, the friend says "You Know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen.  I'd give you a hundred bucks just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the heck - a hundred bucks!  She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds.  He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.  They sit there a while longer and Chris then says, "That was so amazing, I've got to see both of them.  I'll give you another hundred dollars if I could just see both of them together."

Sara is amazed by the offer, sits, thinks about it and decides why not.  So she opens her robe and gives him a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later, Tony arrives back home from the store.  The wife goes up to him, "You know Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the $200 he owes me?"

not the usual story of the wife leaving

Dear Husband:


I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or any thing. Either you are cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!